Dante in his famous poem, ‘The Divine Comedy’’ says people are made up of either large or small souls. He goes on to say the largeness or smallness of one’s soul is one’s ability to imagine and to explain the wonders and evils of the world in ways others are unable. It is the ability to explain the nature of the world, man, God, and why people reason the way they do. Big souls are able to clarify for themselves and others why they do the things they do. This includes one’s own goodness and evil and their connection to the world around them.

When I imagine people with large souls, as Dante defined, I think of Winston Churchill, C.S. Lewis’, Aristotle, Thomas Acquinas, The Apostle Paul, and in our present day men like John MacArthur, J.P. Moreland, R.C. Sproul, Ronald Reagan, Tucker Carlson, Os Guinness and other philosophical and religious thinkers of similar stature.

I am not one of those. I have a small soul. The quickness to make connections between what occurs in one part of the world to my corner of the world is often elusive. Slowness to understand my own motives and behaviors or for that matter my reactions to the actions of others only becomes clear after painstaking reflection. I am a common man who loves theology (the study of God) and the cowboy way of life. I began a love for theology my first year of college. As far as the cowboy way of life, I really think I was born a cowboy with a love for the ranch lifestyle even before I knew it existed.

The chasm between the smallness of my own soul and the large soul I desire is a journey of character building that requires courage.  Courage to confront the disorders of the heart. Courage to face the darkness in the depth of my soul with the hope of one day seeing the full light and grace of Jesus Christ. For me it is not a journey to be among one of the great minds, but one to understand the depth of my depravity and the magnitude of Christ’s love for me despite my darkness and to be able to embrace His acceptance knowing my failures and the depth of my darkness. It is the ability to embrace the truth of Jude 24-25 where Jude proclaims that Jesus Christ will one day present me, all true believers to the Father without embarrassment or shame, but with great joy.

I have wandered off the trail of the straight and narrow often in my life due to the darkness of my soul. It is painful to admit and then tell of the wandering. I do so in hopes of enlarging the capacity of my soul with the assurance that one day I will have a large soul with true, unhindered freedom to embrace the one who makes the journey possible and hopeful. I long to rest in the overwhelming fact that He would leave all the faithful to find me lost and wandering in the mesquite trees and brush (Luke 15:4).

The journey off the trail is easy. The journey back is the difficult way. It is dark. The darkness becomes visible as I confront the disorders and evil of my own soul. I see the depths of the darkness in my own soul and realize my darkness actually contributed  to the darkness and evil of the world; the world that I see, experience and often react to with anger and sadness. I often see the evil of the world first and then I see my own part in that evil which leads me to shame and hopefully back on the trail and onward to a healthy guilt (2 Cor. 7:10) where I can begin to live.

To assist in this journey I am learning to write. I am forcing myself to write. Partly to make sense of what I see in the world from a theological perspective and partly to make sense of my response to what I see and feel. I share this so you understand that much of what I write and voice is for my benefit. If it helps you see your soul and move you toward a large soul I am thankful that it has served a higher good. If you do not find my ride down the trail of life helpful as I interact with Scripture, my soul and their intersection with the world and those in the world who are also on their own journey, then move on. Find another venue to expand the capacity of your soul. We are all exiles and all will arrive in either one of two places. In a literal hell; in the darkest of all dark, alone and isolated without any hope of a loving embrace or in heaven, where we are embraced with open arms because we journeyed the long and often difficult trail of life. It is our choice. If you choose to ride along my trail, I pray it will provide biblical insight and hope on your trail.